A confession for my fellow foodies — I’m here to talk about dumps. Specifically, dumps that make people sniff, stand up and take notice. Dumps surreptitiously snuck in at the last minute of a highbrow dinner party, completely sideswiping hapless guests… Dumps that effortlessly upstage that atrocious concoction your Aunt Edna hastily left after the annual booster’s club meeting.
Dumps that make you question yourself “Holy Crap, why didn’t I think of that before I tried my half-assed attempt at a dump?!!?”
In retrospect, it’s hard — I’ll admit I’ve tried to make a few epic dumps and sadly, they fell short of achieving their intended effect — be it stress, public interruption, lack of focus or creative endeavor. Invariably, I was flushed with envy. However, I finally got my **** together and never looked back. (Hey, what passed in the past is in the past.)
Trust me… try this foolproof recipe (if you can actually call it that) and guests will run to you, screaming “Who just made that %#€@&!$ Dump?!!?”
It’s a Wisconsin classic. Enjoy—
1 16.5 oz. box of yellow cake mix
1 21-oz. can of blueberry pie filling
1 20 oz. can of crushed pineapple, drained
1 cup fresh blueberries
1 stick of butter
1 Hail-Mary, hoping this half-assed podunk culinary hack will actually work
Preheat oven to 375° F. Dump the can of blueberry pie filling on the bottom of a 9.5 x 13 cake pan. Spread out with a spatula. Dump and spread the crushed pineapple over the pie filling and top with 3/4 of the fresh blueberries. Evenly sprinkle the dry cake mix over the top of the fruit. Melt 3/4 of the butter stick and drizzle over the cake mix.
Cube the remaining butter in 1/8″ chunks and place over any remaining dry cake mix.
Sprinkle the rest of the fresh blueberries on top of the cake mix.
Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until the cake topping is golden brown.
Remove from the oven, let stand five minutes and serve warm over vanilla ice cream.